If you and your soon-to-be ex have a nanny or other regular caregiver for your child whom you plan to keep, it’s important to consider how they will fit into your custody schedule and parenting plan. That person can be crucial to helping your child feel like their life isn’t being completely disrupted by your separation and divorce. That’s assuming that at least one of you is remaining in the area.
That’s true whether your caregiver is a relative, like a grandparent, or a nanny you’ve had for years who may seem like part of the family. Even a regular babysitter, like a teen who lives in the neighborhood, can be an important person in your child’s life.
Parents need to address more than the schedule with their caregiver
Custody schedules often make room for third-party caregivers. This can help parents and children know who will be caring for the child after school and other times when neither parent is available.
Beyond working out the caregiver’s schedule (with their permission), it’s critical for co-parents to determine some rules and expectations if they will be dealing with the two of you separately in two homes. This will help your child and also make things easier for the caregiver. For example:
- How will the caregiver be paid (by whom, how often, how much, and so forth)? This is probably a good time to give them a raise since their job is probably about to get more challenging.
- What rules does the caregiver need to enforce consistently in both homes (and what differences are there)?
- How do you want the caregiver to respond if the child asks them questions about their parents and the break-up?
- How will you each communicate with the caregiver?
Some co-parenting apps allow users to add a caregiver. This allows both parents to see each other’s communications with the caregiver. Having a group text could also work. It’s critical not to put your caregiver in the middle of any divorce drama or speak disparagingly of your co-parent to them.
These are just a few things to consider. Even if a family member is a regular caregiver, these can still be helpful to keep everyone on the same page. Every situation is unique. With experienced legal guidance, you can work out a plan to incorporate your child’s caregiver into your new family dynamic.