Parents sometimes dread telling their children about an upcoming divorce more than they do talking to their own spouse. Both adults may realize that they’re unhappy and that the marriage needs to end. But this could still come as a shock to the children.
Thankfully, there are some things that parents can do to help this conversation go smoothly and make it easier for the children to adjust. Here are three tips that can help.
Plan it out in advance
Think over what you want to say. What key points do you want to make? What details are most important? Consider the questions that your children may ask. Have your answers ready. Don’t just have this conversation at the spur of the moment. Take the time and prepare in advance.
Don’t blame your spouse
You may technically blame your spouse for the divorce. But, when talking to your children, the two of you should ideally have a narrative that doesn’t assign blame to either person. You don’t want to make your children feel like they have to choose sides. You also don’t want to negatively impact their future relationship with the other parent – who will always be their parent, even if they are no longer your spouse.
Have a family conversation
Finally, this conversation is best held with the entire family. All of the children should be there so that they don’t learn the news through the grapevine. Both you and your spouse should be together so that you can present a united front.
This conversation often comes at the beginning of the divorce process. Take the time to consider each step you’ll need to take moving forward.